I recently read a post from Steph Gaudreau, a huge role model for me in the health and wellness space. She discussed an exercise she did at a conference recently called “If you really knew me”. This idea of only sharing certain aspects of our lives on social media is something I battle with daily. Being a Health Coach and also being a recovering binge eater, I have a lot going on in my head and my daily life that I definitely do not share with the world. Some things are better kept to myself, I know, because I need to have some boundaries. There is something sacred about maintaining an intimate personal relationship with yourself that you don’t share with ANYONE. But, there is also a lot to be said of the healing that occurs when you share your deep thoughts with the world. Talking about things you struggle with, insecurities, and goals you want to achieve but may be having a hard time conquering are part of finding your strength and happiness and moving past the hurdles. So here’s my “If You Really Knew Me”…
If you really knew me, you would know that although I am a Health Coach and teach others how to change their lives for the better, I also struggle with my own health on a daily basis. Although I know all the tips, tricks, best foods and practices, I don’t live a perfectly healthy life every day. I am flawed. I still binge on junk food. I still emotionally eat. I still break promises to myself and struggle with feeling like a failure at times. I am still learning how to find true self love and compassion. What I remind myself each day though is that I am proud to be a work in progress. I am still worthy of coaching others. I still have value, I will never be perfect, and revealing my imperfections to my clients may be the very tool they need to help make a change for themselves. I have a lot to offer in the health and wellness space, and my flaws do not outweigh my strengths and my knowledge. I know that although I am not the “perfect” image of what some might expect a Health Coach to be or look like, I learn more each day about how to serve others from my own challenges and experiences.
If you really knew me, you would know that I’m learning to find patience and embrace the unknown right now. I had a miscarriage 2 1/2 months ago. I want nothing more than to get pregnant again, but I still haven’t gotten my period back. The waiting game is something I am terrible at. It’s causing stress and anxiety, which is probably affecting my hormones even more. I fear my body is damaged, that it’s broken in some way right now. That my years of bingeing could be the reason I had a miscarriage and am now showing signs of hormone imbalance. Non of this may not be true, but it’s a daily fear. I know that I can only control how I treat myself now and there is no sense in dwelling on the past. I know I need to accept the process, be patient, and that there is no rush. I know all the things, but it’s still hard. When your 33rd birthday is around the corner and you know your biological clock is ticking, it’s hard to not feel a sense of urgency and regret certain life choices I have made. But then I remind myself that I am doing my very best right now. I can only focus on the things in my life that I know I can control. I am slowly learning to surrender to the process. I am becoming more patient. I am learning to find my mental calm in the present. I am focusing on my gratitude, my health, and my happiness by reminding myself daily of what I already have. Because I am already so blessed with my life right now. A baby would be an incredible addition to our family, but life is so good just as it is right now. I remind myself of this daily.
If you really knew me, you would know that although my health is of utmost importance to me right now, especially when trying to get pregnant, I still find it hard to not emotionally eat in these times of stress and unknown. I am still learning to cope with emotions in different ways. I know all the steps I need to take to work on my hormone balance, my health, and reduce my stress, but it’s a daily struggle. I find myself trying to eat perfect, act perfect, and feel perfect in order to make my body perfect for growing a baby, and then I remind myself of the fact that I will never be and don’t want to be perfect. Understanding that perfection is NEVER the goal is something I work on often. Finding a balance seems virtually impossible sometimes, but each day I gain more mental clarity. I find more self love. I practice more self compassion. I meditate a little longer. I treat myself with love and respect. All of these things I am learning must be weaved into my nutritional foundation in order find my true mental and food freedom. The way I treat my body will never change if I don’t start thinking differently about inner myself. Your thoughts are EVERYTHING. So I have been working on this for a while now. Every morning in my journal now I write about my self worth, self talk, self love, self compassion, and self care. I dedicate short moments each day to listening to my body, respecting my thoughts, embracing the anxiety and stress, and finding ways to work through it without food. I’m not perfect, but this practice is surely helping.
If you really knew me, you would know I have immense gratitude for my life right now. I am blessed with an amazing husband, a beautiful home, I live in a perfect mountain town, and I love my job…and my side hustle! I’m learning each day to be thankful for the little things. A quiet slow morning with my coffee and my journal, a lazy day on the couch, a morning spent at a coffee shop blogging, a delicious dinner sitting and talking with my husband about his day, and going to bed early to take time and read in order to get away from social media for a bit. All of these little things may not be possible anymore if I ever get pregnant and am lucky enough to have a child, or if my health business grows to the point where it consumes all of my free time. I am learning to value what I have right now because I may not always have it in the future. It’s about the little things. The little things make you happy.
If you knew me, you would know that I am a work in progress while also helping others. It’s never an easy combination, but it’s my passion and I will remind myself each day that I am worthy of being a Health Coach. I have more knowledge than I realize and I have a lot of experience that others can benefit from. I am proud to be sharing my deepest thoughts in hopes that I reach someone out there who is feeling the same way. I will not stop sharing because it helps heal me and I know it will eventually help heal others too.
This exercise may come across as a bit depressing, but I promise you that it is the opposite. In fact, I feel very happy in my life right now. But happiness doesn’t mean perfection. Happiness doesn’t mean you can’t have worries, flaws, and insecurities. Happiness comes from diving deep into your thoughts, doing the work, and finding the gratitude in it all. I hope that you realize that we all have these tough thoughts. We all doubt ourselves. We all have imperfections that we must learn to embrace. I want to normalize the negative thoughts and help others realize that being happy does not mean that you can’t struggle daily. What it comes down to is how you choose to talk to yourself, treat yourself, and the compassion you give yourself when the hard feelings come around.
So today I encourage you to remind yourself that you are worth it. You are enough just as you are. Give yourself some grace. Allow your mind to explore all its deepest feelings. Embrace the uncomfortable thoughts. Don’t run from them. Allow yourself to feel pain, explore gratitude, and find self love. Through this self exploration, you will find your inner peace and your happiness… and you may just decide not to binge in the moment because instead, you are choosing to love and respect your body just as it is.